We're taking a bit of a breather while the world rearranges its underpants. Meanwhile, the other blog is here.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Gentlemen are asked not to urinate in the aspidistras during the asparagus season

I'm eating my butties in the staff room. At one end of the table there's a discussion about the problems Larry Adler must have had when playing the harmonica, what with being a vampire and that. Another group are surreptitiously eating licorice and hoping that Mary won't get them into yet another conversation about her league table of favourite licorices. Luckily, she's commandeered a conversation about one of the girls' husband's heart condition and steered it inelegantly towards 'What we did with the Beaver Scouts last night.' Two people are staring intently at their Pot Noodles, hoping not to catch Mary's eye and trying not to smirk at the idea of someone scouting for beaver. Another of the girls is rehearsing a conversation she's going to have this evening by pretending her ham sandwich is a mobile 'phone. The blackened banana on the staff room table is in its third glorious week. In the corner are four large carrier bags full of bubble wrap, not all popped. At five past one the clock played 'Dardanella' slowly then died. Every person who has come in has slumped on the chair and said: "Oh God..."

I'd go to the pub but it's full of fat solicitors talking about their Body Mass Indices.


Lavinia said...

Your amusing and yet simultaneously despondent post is precisely why I would never be caught dead in the staff cafeteria. By the way, what is a "buttie" (for those of us who don't speak British)?

Kevin Musgrove said...

buttie = sandwich
An English sandwich, not an American one. Which is to say, meanly-packed with the butter finishing a good inch away from the crust.

Anonymous said...

They have scones here, you know.

The Topiary Cow said...

Yes Cow avoids any dining-in-with-staff experience like the plague. She's developed the known eccentricity of going "walking" at her lunch and although it took them a few months to adjust now the coworkers accept it.

As for Larry Adler, Cow has some of his CD and really liked his work especially on Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue, till she read his autobiography and realized what a little a** he was.