"Who's that?" asks Frog."That's Dagmar," I reply."That's terrible," he said."What is?""I didn't recognise her because she's smiling."
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
"He's dropped out of uni. and become a beach bum. He's spending all his time windsurfing. We're at our wits end.""Is he happy?" I asked."Deliriously so," she replied bitterly."The world's full of sad middle-aged men who were going to change the world," I reminded her.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
"What happens when we run out of goodies to give to the children?""You won't have any left."
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
"We're always saying that we need to attract the young male demographic to our libraries.""Yes, we should buy a copy while we're still allowed to buy any books. It would go out on loan OK.""It would go out on loan OK but we'd never see it again once it had gone out.""And we'd have to laminate the pages..."
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
"That's splendid news!" said Frog to the Countryside Officer.It's not so splendid when you get half a pigeon dropped on your head as you're clocking in for work."
Monday, July 19, 2010
"I only had the number changed this morning. All the lending staff know about it."
"Yes, but we didn't. What number do we need to ring to get through upstairs?"
"Why didn't you ring extension 18?" asked Maybelle."What's extension 18?" we all asked."It's the other 'phone on the counter. It's the one the staff use when they want to get through to the counter. It's sort of a secret but everybody knows about it."
"Some of the teachers used to hang on his every word as if it were gospel. Which was strange given that his children had such extraordinary behaviour. One insisted on coming into class on a skateboard and just wouldn't be stopped doing it. I'd get 'phone calls: 'how dare you stifle my child's freedom of expression?' I tried my best to explain that I also had to respect the freedom of expression of the thirty-five parents complaining about their children's bruised ankles but he wasn't having any of it."
Thursday, July 15, 2010
"Where are the servers going?"
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
"Hey up," says a passing customer (of an age), "tha'll be alright once you have a shit and a sleep. Not at the same time, mind."
- Scale 4 is the unofficial aspirational entry level for graduates coming into local government posts. It's the lowest point on the scale where you earn enough to definitely be paying Income Tax and National Insurance, plus the contributions to the fully-funded-by-staff-contributions pension that the government says it can't afford despite the fact it doesn't actually cost the taxpayer anything because it's entirely funded by staff contributions. Scale 2/3 is the actual entry level for most graduates in local government. The payment rate for Scale 1 is actually below the national minimum wage.
- The clock starts ticking on the day that you are declared redundant. You have 90 days to find alternative employment. At the end of the 90 days you are unemployed. You will notice that this council has decided to have a think about which jobs to keep, then advertise, interview and appoint after staff have received a letter of redundancy.
Monday, July 12, 2010
"I want you to get in some schoolkids," he tells Posy. "Of course, I'll need to know what they're going to say to him.""Schoolkids?" asks Posy, "do you imagine they're going to remember what they were going to say to him a week after they've told us?""Well, we can't have them upsetting him with difficult questions. He's a bit of a diva."
"If he's a bit of a diva, what the fuck is he doing booking him to meet the public in a library?" explodes Maybelle.
Friday, July 09, 2010
"Ah well, if he's not coming I'll leave you to it," says PR Professional.
- Action one to be done by the Counter Supervisors (Hettie, Daisy and Maybelle)...
- Action two to be done by Hettie, Daisy and Maybelle...
- Action three to be done by Hettie, Daisy and Maybelle...
- Action four to be done by Milton...
- Action five to be done by Hettie, Daisy and Maybelle...
- Action six to be done by me (nice to know!)...
- Action seven to be done by Hettie, Daisy and Maybelle...
- Action eight to be done by Frog and Bronwyn...
- Action nine to be done by Hettie, Daisy and Maybelle...
Thursday, July 08, 2010
I knew it was all going too swimmingly lately. I've been getting a bit giddy with it. It had to come to an end. And inevitably, it was a meeting of the Shadowy Cabinet that brought me back down to Earth.
The past few meetings had been pretty good. Possibly because, in the absence of T.Aldous and with Library Policy & Strategic Management Team (this week)'s complete and abject inability to work as a team, Warner had asked Julia to fill in for a bit pending the latest restructure of the Assistant Directorate. The moment has passed and she's now back in tight defensive Group Librarian formation, conveniently forgetting the moments in the recent past where... [Oh, it's no good, I'll have to start a secret blog to do the stories justice.]
Most of the business of the meeting was unremarkably remarkable save that I'm appalled by what we consider to be normal these days. Where I came a cropper, and badly, was the photo library.
We have a lot of photos. We have a lot of photos in digital format held in files on the computer. We have a lot of photos in digital format held in files on the computer in a file and folder structure that can at best be described as random to the point of wilful obscurity. This has suddenly become a problem for the Library Service because it has inconvenienced a member of Library Policy & Strategic Management Team (this week).
"We need to sort them out so that we can find pictures we may want for publicity."
Now, if you're reading this blog you can come up with at least one perfectly good way of solving this problem. And I have already presented them with three of those solutions. I made a noise then shut up.
"Yes this is a problem."
"Is this something we could get volunteers to do?"
I'm sat at a table surrounded by librarians. Will somebody please tell CILIP that I did this next thing. I said:
"Isn't the selection, description and organisation of materials and the building of the means to retrieve them the sort of thing a librarian should be doing? I mean, it's good old-fashioned librarianship, the stuff that you've been trained properly to do."
I looked around the table.
It was all I could do not to say: "I'll get me coat."
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
"It's been so quiet they've been hunting stags in the reading room," she explains.
Monday, July 05, 2010
- Nobody would be around to host the event. [Posy had already offered to come in to do precisely that, killing two birds with one stone as she needs to pay back some time off she had to take last month.]
- Bronwyn and Frog hadn't made themselves available. [Neither had been asked to make themselves available and weren't needed anyway as Posy could do all the necessary and the audience was to be primed well beforehand.]
- Frog was double-booked. [He'd already been slated to do a story session at Gribble Community Centre and wasn't really involved in this event anyway.]
"You watch: Doreen will get everyone as confused as hell, it'll all become a panicky shambles and it'll be decided that It's All Posy's Fault."
Friday, July 02, 2010
From: FrogTo: DagmarSubject: Children's Reading Week eventHi Dagmar,The poet's available any time that week. Which would suit you best at Raccoonville?From: DagmarTo: FrogWhich day is the poet available?From: FrogTo: DagmarThe poet is available any time that week. When's best?From: DagmarTo: FrogAny time's fine.
From: DagmarTo: FrogWe can't have the poet on a Thursday. The Ladies' Reading Guild uses the meeting room that day.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
"I had to take a sex education manual out of the children's library last week," one confided."Oo-err. That bad?""I'l say. The section called 'Bliss within marriage' started off by saying that the wife should always have her man's tea on the table when he gets home and not to let him see you with your hair in rollers."