This afternoon, Umpty Library was to be visited by A Celebrity That Nobody's Ever Heard Of. For no apparent reason other than the council's Press Officer was offered him cheap by somebody he knew. To say that the run-up to the calamity has made us pine for the seamless efficiency of the planning regime of T.Aldous and Mary is to understate considerably. Not least because the council's Press Officer is a bit of a prima donna.
There have been a flurry of bumptious "Thou shalt" emails from said chappie for the past four weeks. Between them, Doreen, Bronwyn and Posy have exhausted their vocabulary of Anglo-Saxon colloquialisms. And today's the day.
Posters all over town.
Queue of damp tweenies waiting for signed photographs.
"He's on his way," became, an hour later: "he's not coming." He's unwell out of a bottle, but we can't tell the tweenies that.
"Ah well, if he's not coming I'll leave you to it," says PR Professional.
Which is when Doreen discovered a word she didn't think she knew.