The parish council laid a taxi on

Jim's fighting hard to keep his hands in his pocket and not round T.Aldous' neck. The reason? Travelling expenses.

"You've consistently got the mileage between here and Catty Library wrong: it is 6.2 miles, not 6.6 miles. I know this as I measured it myself when we first moved in here. You'll need to recalculate your expenses form."

When T.Aldous did his measurements he was driving a car with so much wrong with it that a faulty odometer would be almost obligatory. He was also doing his measurements before the one-way system in Catty was jiggered around; before the new roundabouts were added to the Noddy Road and before they closed the Bingo car park here in Helminthdale (which means that all staff except T.Aldous and whoever's driving the housebound van have to walk half a mile up the road to the old bomb site car park near the skinner's yard).

I am so glad the beggar doesn't sign my expenses forms.