The British genius for creating the dismal

Bronwyn's scored a triumph. We have an American writer of gritty, edgy novels coming over the pond to do a talk at one of our libraries. Mary thinks it would be a good idea to present him with a gift and, playing on the stereotype that Americans are suckers for a bit of Olde England, she rings Henry to see if anything suitable may be available from Sheep City. Especially if it's free. Henry wasn't in at the time but rang back later.

"I have a lovely picture of the late Councillor Audrey Mottisbury that he could have. It's in a really good frame, too, with gilding and everything."

Mary isn't sure whether or not he's taking the piss so Bronwyn's going to nip over tomorrow to pick up the promised nosegay (Mary doesn't want to hurt Henry's feelings if he's being serious).

"I'm not sure that this picture's the thing," says Mary. "What could he take back from Helminthdale that would make it a memorable visit?"

"Ringworm?" I suggest, too loudly.

Bronwyn suggests that we could use the picture as a competition prize. Perhaps even for this month's Science Fiction Book Review Competition.

"We could say it was a scene from a really old series of Doctor Who."