Tales from Helminthdale: Vintage

A customer borrowed a book from Umpty Library. He wasn't overly impressed by its vintage.

"If I bring this back late I expect you'll be charging me my overdue fines in guineas."

Suck your teeth	28%
Put your socks back on	1%
Have a book sale	22%
Freeze all vacancies and complain that there aren't enough staff	8%
Try to spend all your budget in the last week in March	0%
Underspend your budgets by 32% and complain that you're underfunded	4%
Clean some tea spoons	3%
Count the bog rolls	1%
Tell everybody that you were on leave that week	33%

Tales from Helminthdale