Stock-editing, Helminthdale-style

"Our stock profile looks bad," says T. Aldous. "It doesn't look like we've met the public library standard for stock replenishment," he adds. Collective shrugs of utter lack of surprise. "Is that because we only spent 20% of last year's book fund?" asks an unwary soul. Card marked.

How does our fearless leader suggest we address this? Perhaps by actually spending some of the book fund? Nay, nay, lad.

"Our junior stock is looking a bit old. If we withdraw all the titles published before 1997 we would remove over 11,000 old titles and the stock would look more modern. "

"But that would remove all the new copies of classic titles."

"How about replacing the stock that we're removing?"

"What about junior reserve stock?"

"But me no buts. We need to do it urgently."

It isn't happening. In his enthusiasm, T. Aldous forgot that he'd "retired" the stock manager before Christmas and half the posts in the cataloguing team have been vacant for eighteen months. This is part of his strategy for keeping a six-figure surplus in his staffing budget. We only wish we understood why. It drives the council accountants barmy.