There's always time for a laugh in the middle of our devotions

An earlier bit of whimsy prompts a colleague to pass on this old favourite.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN HELMINTHDALE COUNCIL

1. When you wake up in the morning do you:
   
   
   
   1. Feel relaxed, comfortable and happy
   
   
   2. Feel tense, anxious and depressed
   
   
   3. Yes, that's right
   
   


2. Do you look forward to your work?
   
   
   
   1. Yes
   
   
   2. No
   
   
   3. I'm a little teapot short and stout
   
   


3. Can you spell "chrysanthemum?"
   
   
   
   1. Yes
   
   
   2. No
   
   
   3. Not telling
   
   


4. How many pints does the human body hold?
   
   
   
   1. Between eight and ten
   
   
   2. Between ten and midnight
   
   
   3. Sheffield Wednesday
   
   


5. What do you stand for?
   
   
   
   1. Liberty, fraternity and the other one
   
   
   2. The National Anthem
   
   
   3. To have a pee
   
   


6. Which is the most important?
   
   
   
   1. A pragmatic approach to problem-solving
   
   
   2. A nice suit
   
   
   3. The ability to rest your paunch on the window sill
   
   


7. Which political figure of the past do you most admire?
   
   
   
   1. Attila the Hun
   
   
   2. Benjamin Disraeli
   
   
   3. Muffin the Mule
   
   


8. You are running 10% over budget; do you:
   
   
   
   1. Encourage everyone to identify savings
   
   
   2. Make a few random cuts to make up the money
   
   
   3. Open and equip a new office
   
   


9. Is 2 x 10,000 greater than 5 x 4,000?
   
   
   
   1. Yes
   
   
   2. No
   
   
   3. Whose budget is it in?
   
   


10. An attractive young woman joins your management team; do you give her:
    
    
    
    1. A copy of the agenda
    
    
    2. Your seat
    
    
    3. One
    
    

Results

Mostly A's: You have the management and interpersonal skills needed to make things work. You should be running Helminthdale Council.

Mostly B's: You have many of the necessary skills. With training and experience you could run Helminthdale Council.

Mostly C's: You are ignorant and to say that you are as thick as two short planks is to insult some pretty good bits of wood. You probably do run Helminthdale Council.