Qwismas Kwiz

To keep you out of mischief while the selection boxes settle.

Here are some titles from 2005/6, what do you think the story was?

1. Patience, fleas, the night is young
• The bureaucracy involved in not being able to buy a new inkject printer
• An infestation at Cattermole Street Primary School
• Rumours of werewolves at Dutch Bend Library


2. All of a sudden nothing happens
• The results of the staff regrading exercise
• The biggest, scariest project you could ever imagine
• Reporting back on the Library Service Action Plan


3. Graph spree
• Libraries threatened with closure because a councillor was holding a sheet of paper upside down
• Preparing a PowerPoint presentation for an inspection
• Catty Library is co-opted into the German Navy during a freak thunderstorm


4. JCBs in the Meadow of Consolation
• Why bookshelves kill projects
• Why badgers kill projects
• Why carpets kill projects


5. Like two rubber ducks that pass each other in the bath
• There is nothing so swift as a manager avoiding their workforce
• Leadership is a foolish consistency
• It's usually a good idea to count the wheels on the mobile library before going out


Laughing their hods off
• Builders prop up a door lintel with fag packets
• Having to count the bricks in the fire escape corridor
• A caretakers' revolt


6. Talk to the wall because the email's not listening
• Innovations in Outlook folder management
• "My email isn't loud enough"
• "Should I throw a bog roll at you when it's urgent?"


7. We've a little tiny crocodile that sings like Bing
• A bad night out in Helminthdale
• A talk by the Head of The Department
• A blue plaque for the wrong singer


8. Triple negatives
• Mangers' report on a service inspection
• Results of the staff regrading exercise
• Inspectors' report on the service's management style


9. A kick up the arts
• Sheep City's new publicity poster
• Redecorating the library
• Victorian paintings found in cellar


10. Rumour in cuneiform
• Library closures?
• T.Aldous' retirement?
• Results of the staff regrading exercise?


11. Florence Nightingale should live this day
• Storing PCs in the toilet
• First aider knocked out by bookshelf
• Fifty paraffin lamps found in stairwell


12. Three thousand burning joss sticks sing "Happy Birthday" to Queen Juliana of the Netherlands
• The Summer Reading Game
• Stock editing
• An Audit Commission inspection


13. When Alexander the Great was my age he'd been dead twelve years
• Library management styles
• Early retirement processes
• Replacing public access computers


14. A mayfly dreams of eternity
• Ordering new PCs
• Installing the new book ordering system
• Finding out which days the libraries will be closed over Xmas


15. Detail of Painting by An Unknown Artist Depicting Unconditional Surrender at the Battle of Helminthdale
• Three staff off sick with trench foot at Catty Library
• Hand-to-hand fighting for the right to spend grant money for the intended purpose
• Staff meeting at Dutch Bend Library


16. The Order of the Lack of Vivid Imagination
• Library management
• Human Resources
• The Department of Culture, Media and Sport


17. A sailor's farewell to his horse
• Stock procurement targets
• Mobile Library stops
• Keeping the doors open at Pottersbury Road Library


18. The equipment has the best tunes
• A broken lift
• A broken PC
• A broken kettle


19. Big Brother is up your nose
• email monitoring
• New identity badges
• CCTV


20. Crouching tiger, springing limpet
• Responses to status requests
• Systems replacement
• The new web site


21. Chimps off the old block
• A project mismanagement meeting
• A library mismanagement meeting
• A meeting of the full council


22. Just like my socks, they are neglected
• A senior manager's leaving do
• Staff training and development interviews
• A dead mouse

If you get stuck you can find the answers by searching for the titles. Good luck. And lots of cheating!