Soldiers in skirts

My mentioning the knocking shop on Creamery Lane reminds a colleague of a story about when he was working in the Tourist Information Centre a few years back:

"One day a gentleman came into the Centre and asked where he could 'find a lady to show him round town.'

"As it happens a Blue Badge lady was within hearshot and offered her services. The gentleman's humming and hawing made it very clear that he didn't want to be shown the highlights of the town's historical sites by a lady in her late sixties. We tried to intervene and explain the situation to her as politely as we could but she wasn't to be deterred.

'He wants a bit of female company,' we said.

'Well what am I if not company?' she replied.

"Eventually we made it extremely clear what was actually involved ("have you been medically screened, lass?"). She cast him a look that could curdle the milk in the cow and stalked off.

"My colleague rang a drinking friend in the local cop shop and they suggested directing him to Creamery Lane. We didn't tell the Blue Badge lady, just in case she decided to include it on her itinerary."