A job like giving gooseberries Marcel waves

Milton's only been here a few weeks and he's already identified what he calls "The Helminthdale Effect," which is his label for that deadening of the soul caused by the sure and certain knowledge that no matter what you're doing or how hard you work at it you're doomed to failure because at a key moment some muffin will stick a spanner in the works. He has good cause for already:

• He identified Gypsy Cream Library as the best venue for a programme of events he wants to put on over the next year. It's then pencilled in for closure.
• He was going to ask IT for project plans for the work currently being done in our libraries. Then he goes to the meeting where it turns out that Noddy Library's still not connected, more than a year after the meeting about it.
• He's decided which online services we need to buy for the e-learning programme but T.Aldous has hidden the budget.
• "Let's order a new PC for Eileen," he says to me. "Have they given you an IT purchasing budget?" I reply.