You can't make rubbish like this up

T.Aldous has spent the past five hours talking at the new bods, poor wretches. God alone knows what sort of an impression he's making on them. I know what impression he's making on me...

Having arrived at work I went to get my beginner's caffeine fix.

"They're in the staff room," I was warned.

Ah well, never mind. In I went. As I stepped through the door T.Aldous was holding the fridge door open:

"As you can see, we have a choice of milks: skimmed or normal."

I made a quick exit, collapsing into a giggling heap in a corner. Having recovered my professional composure I returned to the fray to retrieve my tea cup.

"...the clock's really good because it tells you when it's time to go back up to the library at the end of lunch break."

Perhaps my favourite quote of the morning was:

"And this is where the Stock Procurement Manager used to sit."

I didn't say: "more than a year ago."